Heads Up for the Zombie Apocalypse

I'll make this short, sweet, and to the point.

If you're either adopted onto my Zombie Apocalypse team or my team crosses your path, and you're just a f*****g useless waste of life and just completely and utterly stupid and braindead with common sense things, I don't care if you're a zombie or not, I'm f*****g ridding the planet of your pathetic existence.

(Yes, this is sprung off of me knowing completely stupid people who are wasting perfectly good acreage in this world. God must've been stoned to s**t when He made you.) -- Now go ahead and come at me, religious freaks.

#PipeBomb

Senseless things to say

I was just thinking (which is amazing since I'm at the tail end of an 18 1/2 hour shift thanks to that stupid whore Hurricane Sandy), sometimes in life there's stuff you shouldn't say because it's just stupid.

One of those things? "Get some rest."

Oh really? You're granting me the privilege to rest? I can only rest because you told me to get some? No, you know what? Take your f*****g pity rest and shove it up your ass. I think I'll just stay awake for no other reason than make my body flip the f**k out and bash my head against a wall.

Next time someone tells you to get some rest, why don't you just kick them square in the crotch with spiked shoes and tell them to get stitches on their grundle. At least THAT'S a good suggestion.

P.S. If you needed proof that Cranky Jadd is f*****g awesome, here it is. Now go scratch your swamp ass you dirty doucheknuckle.

Celebrity Zombie Apocalypse Squad

This is me exercising my creative juices. Juices -- that word is just SO awkwardly creepy sometimes. That and moist. Moist juices. Ew. Anyway, I digress...

Originally I thought of listing people in general that I'd wanna have on my Zombie Apocalypse team, as in people I know, but then I realized you wouldn't really give a f**k about people that I know that you don't. So I decided to bump it up to celeb status -- what celebrities would I want on my side if the undead were running the world? Let's go.

My buddy Mike (he's on the left). (How is he a celebrity, you ask? You know him as Moose At The Movies on my Saturday Night Mixshow on KISS 95.7 in Hartford). So first off, he's one of my few best friends, and you always need your best friend by your side when the world ends. Secondly, he can shoot. Really well. And lastly, he's in nursing school, so when I inevitably f**k up and shoot myself in the schlong, I'll need someone I know has experience in the medical field AND that I trust to fix me before I'm John Bobbitt Jr. (This just got a little awkwardly homoerotic. I'm gonna move on now.)

Oh, and I'd bring that CM Punk guy too. Mainly since he's the Best In The World and also because he could just punch a zombie's brains right out. Don't believe me? Just fast forward to 39 seconds in.

Jackson Blue. You hear him on KISS 108 every night. And on RadioNOW in Milwaukee. And everyone else across the country with the Party Playhouse. He's also one of my best friends. I figure when you're in a high-tense situation like the end of the world and the undead are trying to eat you, you need someone you can joke around with to escape from real life for a bit. Plus we could just tattoo a running tally into each others' arms of how many zombies we kill just to see who's more badass. AND he's a former MWF World Tag Team Champion, so you know he's tough.

Gina Carano. First off, hi, she's f**king hot. AND she'd be my koolaid in the Zombie Apocalyptic world. In all seriousness, she's a certified badass and highly respected MMA fighter. You also might know her as "Crush" from the newest version of American Gladiators. And have I mentioned she's scolding f**king hot? Plus we'd make adorable kids during the post-Apocalyptic world.

Jason Statham. You know -- the guy from The Transporter movies and The Expendables movies? And Crank? (Seriously, anyone who gets to have sex with Amy Smart in the middle of a crowded street deserves to be on this squad.) Plus the dude is a certifiable badass -- have you SEEN how ripped he is?

Teresa Giudice. HAVE YOU SEEN REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY? I have, and I have no shame in saying it. She's bat s**t crazy, which means she could probably flip a dinner table onto a zombie and decapitate it. Plus, watching her flip out on the last person on this last will make entertainment for days (but probably also draw all the zombies to us since she wouldn't know how to shut the hell up.) But on the plus side? She's Italian and can cook her face off.

Shaobo Qin. You probably have no idea who he is by name (let alone how the hell to say it), but if I tell you he's the little Asian dude from Ocean's Eleven (and Twelve, and Thirteen), then it'll ring a bell. The way I figure, someone who knows some form of Martial Arts would be badass, not to mention we'll need someone small and flexible to get in tight-squeezing places that the rest of us can't get to. Plus, someone who can roll up sushi is super badass.

And finally...

Chris Brown. For no other reason than it'll be awesome to watch zombies feast on his douchebag carcass, and then when he comes back as a zombie, be able to repeatedly beat him about the face with a blunt metal object. (Hey, every group needs a douchebag sacrificial lamb. Don't let the door to Hell hit you in the ass on your way down, d**kbag.)

Should Ryback go over Punk at Hell In A Cell?

It's the question tons of wrestling geeks/fans are asking worldwide -- should WWE pull the trigger on Ryback and have him win the WWE Championship from CM Punk on Sunday, or should the Best In The World hold his title all the way until Royal Rumble?

Since Vince McMahon announced that Ryback was going to be facing Punk instead of Cena (to which the world rejoiced...I'm sorry, I've met Cena a few times in person and as a human being, he's badass...but as a character on TV, he makes me want to have a monster truck challenge with Hulk Hogan than have him throw me off the top of a building after it's over), I've been saying that there's absolutely NO way in hell they should take the title off of Punk.

Until now.

I still want Punk to have a reign that's over a year long, but I've always been a fan of someone holding the title for a long time. It just gives more legitimacy back to the championship first off, and secondly, when someone who's a heel like Punk holds it for that long, you'll be more and more invested to see if and when someone will beat him for it. THAT'S what I dig about Punk and his title reign right now.

But what I dig more? New competition at the top. If you have Punk go over Ryback on Sunday, what does Punk gain from it? He ends the winning streak of someone who hasn't really beat any big names other than The Miz (who is getting the complete s**t end of the stick lately)...whoopdee doo. But if you have Ryback beat Punk, dude is instantly made. He keeps the winning streak intact, he beats the "Best In The World" -- something Cena, Jericho, Ziggler, Big Show, Kane, Daniel Bryan, and TONS others before him haven't been able to do -- AND he wins the biggest prize in the business.

Is Ryback ready? Probably not. Was Sheamus ready? No, but look where he's at now. He grew into his role as champion. Even Punk admitted his first time that he probably wasn't ready, but look what happened to him -- he's the top heel and arguably the best superstar on the roster right now. Why? Because he had a taste of it, got to see what the view was like from the top, and then upped his game so he stayed a main eventer. You can have Ryback do the same exact thing -- get a taste, have him drop the title, and then he SHOULD be more motivated to get back to the top. So here's what I say WWE does:

1) Have Ryback go over Punk at HIAC on Sunday.
2) Have Ryback hold the title until Royal Rumble where he drops it to The Rock.
3) Have Punk win the Royal Rumble -- this gives us our Punk/Rock match that we're all expecting at the Rumble, but gives it on a MUCH bigger stage (where it belongs.)
4) By doing this, you keep Rock/Cena away from each other, considering you billed their match last year as once in a lifetime. (Call me crazy, but a match billed as that should only happen ONCE.)
5) You can move Cena on to face Taker (which is a total money match, because it's believable WWE would have Cena end the streak. Of course, he better not or I'll piss on the doors of Titan Towers.)

Thoughts?

Presidential Debates - Oct 16th

I've always hated politics...they really haven't ever interested me in the least. The only time I actually paid attention was when Monica Lewinsky went balls deep on President Clinton.  (Ya know, side note right now...I always thought Monica was a total slut for doing that, but as an avid fan of doing most things for the story, how badass is it that for the rest of her life, she can answer "What's the craziest thing you've ever done in your life?" with "I gave the Commander-in-Chief of the United States of America...the most powerful man in the country...a blowjob.") But I digress...

I figured I should watch the debates last night to try and understand what's going on with the country I live in. Straight up, I'm not voting this year. Before you get your panties in a bunch about how it's my patriotic duty -- would you rather me vote for one of 2 people I don't care about/want to run this country, vote for someone I don't know about, or not vote at all. What if by total happenstance (Chris Jericho better love me for dropping a Fozzy song title), the election came down to just one vote. MY vote. And I voted for someone just for the sake of voting? Anyway...

Here's what I noticed about the debates last night. People are CRAZY. They're absolutely bat s**t crazy. You can't say ONE thing that's slightly negative to either side without someone completely losing their s**t over your comment. Case in point -- I tweeted about the debates a few times, and one of my tweets was pointing out that I felt like every single time Obama interrupted Romney, the moderator would basically tell Romney to shut up and let Obama speak. But if Romney interrupted, the moderator would tell Romney that it was the President's time to talk. A little one-sided much? Anyway, one person who is a hardcore Obama supporter mentioned that it's okay for him to interrupt Romney whenever he wants because he's the President. Really? REALLY? Mmkay. You're entitled to your opinion -- as stupid as it may be -- but you're entitled to it.

Another time, Obama said something about student loans making everyone go to college possible when it was based off of a question about lack of jobs for graduating seniors. I made the point that anyone could go to college with help from student loans, but it's paying back those loans plus interest once you graduate from school and can't get a steady job that makes things difficult. Just a simple point I noticed -- didn't make me pro-Romney or anti-Obama, it was literally just an observation. BOOM. People hopped on that like it was the last slice of bacon in the world. (Which, by the way, if that ever happens...meaning we run out of bacon...get out of my way because nothing is worse than a pissed off chubby kid with no access to bacon. But again, I digress...)

I suppose it's good that people respond either way, whether their arguments are really valid and well-thought out points, or just ridiculous statements. It means people care enough about the debates and the election to let their opinion be heard. I gotta admit, I caught the last 10 mins of the first presidential debate, and half-ass listened to the VP debates, and more or less made a joke of them. But there were people actually getting into the debates and tweeting legitimate responses to things that were being said. And it wasn't just my parents' generation or my generation, but what was really impressive was the generation under me, made up of mostly teeny boppers who I'd love to just step on because they fill up my twitter feed with "OMGZZZZ JUSTIN BIEBZZZZZZZ" or "OMGZZZ I WANNA LOOZE MY VIRGINITY TO ONE DIRECTIONZZZZ" -- THAT generation was actually watching the debates and weighing in. Impressive. I actually gained a little respect for you rugrats last night.

Then when I woke up and saw that someone tweeted about how they had an orgasm because Niall from 1D said the word "ass" in an interview, it was immediately erased (true story, by the way). But I guess Rome wasn't built in a day.

I'll end with this -- one thing I noticed last night was A LOT of people were getting pissed because they felt like Romney was saying he'd do stuff but not saying how (agreed for the most part) and that Obama was avoiding some of Romney's questions or beating around the bush with questions asked to him from the panel (also agreed for the most part). In their defense, what do you expect them to do? Come out and say stuff that's gonna make them sound bad? Which leads me to an interesting challenge for whoever decides to run in 2016...

Be TOTALLY honest. Completely blunt. Don't dance around answers, don't beat around the bush...if you're going to do something to try and better the country but it's gonna take some sucky stuff like raising taxes or gas prices so you can eliminate some of the national debt, say it. If you're going to do something awesome, obviously say that, but be honest. If someone asks you how you plan on doing something and you think it's going to make you sound bad, so what? Say it anyway. I'd be interested to see if Americans would appreciate someone being honest and forthcoming with all of their info more than someone who beats around bushes just to try and make him/herself sound good.

Then again what the hell do I know? I'm a chubby dude who talks into a fallic-shaped object for a living. Hey look, I just came (no pun intended) full circle...somehow beginning and ending with Monica Lewinsky references. (Insert rimshot here)

Walking Dead Fans -- this one's for you

I meant to post this on Sunday but since I was on air I got a little sidetracked at trying to make myself sound like a million bucks on the radio. But to celebrate the return of The Walking Dead last weekend, here's a word from Carl Grimes.

(I've never been more proud to take a meme before in my life.)

Droppin Knowledge

Haven't tossed up a blog in a bit, so figured I'd drop a little knowledge on you based on what my twitter feed has looked like the last few days.

Ladies - If you constantly tweet about how the dude you're dating sucks and is terrible, and you this happens for every guy you date, not just one in particular (and also to Taylor Swift, who has multiple hit songs based on how guys suck because the girls that are the topic of this paragraph eat it up like OM NOM NOM) -- maybe THEY'RE not the problem.

Fellas - If you constantly tweet about how that girl you just broke up with or got dumped by is either at 1) slut or a 2) psycho (myself included since I feel like I have a laundry list of psycho girls I've either dated or had relationships with, sprinkled in with a few sluts of course too) -- maybe your standards are way, way too low.

That is all. You're welcome.

Flirting or Friendly?

I feel the need to start out this post by pointing out the fact that I'm a dude. And because I'm a dude, like every other person who belongs to the male race, there's 2 things you need to know about me/us: 1) We were given 2 heads with only enough blood to flow to one at a time (and let's be real, 9 times out of 10 it's the one below the equator), 2) We're dumb in the fact that we don't understand hidden meanings...we're BEYOND stupid to that stuff.

That said, ladies -- do you realize how difficult it is for a dude to tell the difference between whether you're flirting with us or whether you're just being friendly to us? Well, I shouldn't say "us" -- I can't speak for every guy because there's plenty of douches out there that think their s**t don't stink who assume anytime a girl says hi to them, she wants the D. But for dudes who aren't gonna end up divorced at least twice by the time they're 40, it's a really tough thing to figure out. Case in point:

I host trivia on Monday and Wednesday nights. Well, my Wednesday night place closed for a bit, reopened a month ago under a new owner, and he brought on a couple new people to the staff, including this total KNOCKOUT of a bartender. I'll call her Paige (pretty much because that's her real name and I couldn't careless if she ever reads this). Normally she bails before the end of trivia so we never really get a chance to talk, but for whatever reason last night she hung around and had a couple beers and was there after I packed up. I was walking behind the bar talking to some of the staff at the end of the night, and we ended up bumping into each other and just shooting the s**t and joking around. I was obviously being kinda flirty, partly because that's just my personality, but also because she's REALLY pretty.

So bla bla bla, a friend was getting up to leave so I wanted to go say bye, I come back and Paige was somewhere else doing her thing...no big deal. Randomly one of my frequent returner teams every week leaned over to me and said they thought she was into me. Now I take stuff like that with a grain of salt, more or less because I don't wanna come across as a total self-absorbed douche like the guys I talked about 2 paragraphs up. But obviously I paid attention..and Paige actually walked back to me and we kept talking. And talking. And I was putting in time. And I was holding my own (look, I'm not trying to sound emo by saying OMGZ SHEZ OUTTA MY LEAGUEZ, but girl is a knockout. And not that I think I'm ugly, but I'm a pretty average-looking chubby dude. And before you even try and start pouring compliments onto me saying not to be so hard on myself, I'm not. I'm just a realist, and I'm cool with it.)

So she asks me why I never stick around for a drink after. So naturally in my head I'm trying to figure out if that's an invitation to start staying late to have drinks with her and spend some time. So we're talking, and 10 minutes into the convo, just out of habit of the convo (I think I asked her why she was staying late since I never see her staying after to have drinks either), she drops the bomb that she was just waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up. (Naturally, the wiseass I am, respond with "Well now I definitely have no reason to stay after for some drinks." I was proud..she laughed.)

So ladies, I'm throwing this over to you. HOW are we, as guys -- dumb, clueless guys -- supposed to get when you're flirting with us and when you're just being friendly. Better yet, how are we supposed to realize the difference between you being flirty with us but have a boyfriend, and when you're being flirty with us because you're actually interested in us and want to see what happens? Ready...GO!

Why I Hate People -- Reason #94

Twice in one day? Awesome! This actually happened at the end of my first shift. Let me set the scene.

My apartment only has on-street parking. You can also only park on one side of the road. It's also a one-way street. You have to face the correct way or you get ticketed. So basically, you have to turn around to park. So as I'm backing up to turn around, and my doucheknuckle next door neighbor (who knows what I'm doing) WALKS RIGHT BEHIND ME TO TALK TO A NEIGHBOR ACROSS THE STREET. Better yet, it's my next door neighbor, so dummy knows exactly what I'm doing.

So he finally moves his idiotarded ass. Then proceeds to walk right to the spot I plan on parking, and instead of getting on the sidewalk to talk with the lady, he just stands on the street in front of her. I gave the dude a good 20 seconds to move off the street, and he just stood there. He finally looked at me and saw I was waiting for him to move, so he took a 1/2 step closer to the sidewalk, THEN STAYED ON THE STREET.

My only response? "F**k this" -- and I hit the gas pedal. Needless to say, dude moved his ass onto the sidewalk pretty quickly. Jadd 1, Doucheknuckle Neighbor 0.

(P.S. Before anyone has the chance to call me out, I understand this "Why I Hate People" series seems a little hypocritical since I always bust on people for bitching and moaning, and here I am pretty much doing the same thing. But here's the difference -- I'm not complaining, just entertaining and giving you a good laugh. I WILL, however, stop these if you guys don't dig 'em. So just say the good word. Thanks for reading!)

Why I Hate People -- Reason #234

I think I'm gonna make this a continuing series, because really...why the hell not? So even though this is listed as reason #234 -- here's the first entry in the continuing epic series of Why I Hate People.

Ya know when you're driving on the highway, and it's not even that you're in a rush but you just HATE going 45 in a 65 for no reason at all? I'm not talking about because it's the beginning of afternoon rush. I'm talking about driving at 5 f*****g AM where there's a few cars on the road but not enough to cause a backup...BUT YOU GET STUCK BEHIND 2 DOUCHEBAGS DRIVING THE SAME SH***Y SLOW SPEED RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER?

HIT THE F*****G GAS PEDAL YOU A**NUGGETS!!

Yeah. That's reason #234 for Why I Hate People.

CM Punk incident at RAW

So last night during the end of RAW, CM Punk was shown in the crowd being addressed by Vince McMahon. While that was going on, stuff ended up getting a little physical. Check the video then come back for commentary (sorry, the dude who posted it disabled embedding...asshat, I'm trying to get you hits.)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAniQ0L2S3U&feature=share&list=UUybO8GgOUYwcQvf0f8GtD7AU

So you might've noticed what I did -- Punk actually hit the wrong guy. The person that kept shoving him was some disrespectful little teenage prick. Granted, when Punk first got up there and was swatting peoples' hands away and doing the normal bad guy routine, he gave a little shove to the kid. But the kid gave him a shove back, and Punk did nothing. But the kid kept going and going and at some point I think Punk wasn't sure where it was coming from, and he finally hit his limit and took it out on the dude who (I think accidentally) bumped his head. It was just the final straw.

Here's the thing -- fans need to learn that this s**t is a show. It's entertainment. Yeah, Punk is a bad guy IN CHARACTER...so he's gonna get in your face. He's gonna swat your hands away. He's gonna talk smack. That's his CHARACTER, not Punk the man. I've met the dude and he's a chill, laid-back guy, not the kind that would go into a crowd and start beating the s**t out of people because he can. But picture being in his shoes -- you're in the crowd just doing your job, and you're getting pushed and poked from every which way, and after staying calm for a good 30 seconds (which doesn't sound like a long time, but YOU get pushed and poked and hit for 30 seconds and see how pissed off you get), he finally got pushed (literally) too far.

People are gonna call him out on that he should've been professional or bla bla bla -- I'm sorry, if you're at an NBA game and Kevin Garnett is sitting on the bench in front of you and you keep shoving him and hitting the back of his head, what do you expect him to do? Sit there and go, "I'm a professional, it's okay for fans to treat me like s**t." No, he'd lay your ass out the same way Punk laid that guy out.

Sure, it was the wrong guy, but at the end of the day, let's be real...if you're putting on sunglasses indoors at 11pm at night (which is what it looked like that dude was doing when he bumped Punk's head), you probably deserved to get punched in the face anyway. Doucheknuckle.

Booking Wrestlemania 29

I figured since yesterday's (by the time this gets published, Wednesday's) post about bullying was so intense and honestly a bit emotionally draining to write, I'd geek it up a bit and have some fun with this post. Clearly it's only the beginning of October so Wrestlemania is probably just slightly on the radar of WWE (ya know, since they book RAW only a couple minutes ahead at times), but I thought it'd be neat to armchair/fantasy book the Grandaddy of them all.

WWE Championship -- CM Punk vs The Rock (c)
Follow me with this one. I think if WWE are smart, they'll have Punk hold the title all the way until the Rumble when it's already been announced that the WWE Champion at the time will face The Rock. EVERYONE wants to see a Punk/Rock feud, and even Punk himself said he wants to and can't wait to fight "Dwayne." So how does this match happen? Rock beats Punk at the Rumble to become the new champion. BUT...later on that night, Punk jumps someone from behind (Orton maybe?) and cost someone their spot -- he enters the Rumble in his place and wins it to become the #1 Contender. You can have someone put up a stink or whatever saying that Punk wasn't supposed to be in the match in the first place, bla bla bla, Elimination Chamber PPV you have a match in a chamber to crown the rightful #1 Contender (since I doubt Rock would be at the PPV to defend the title.) Punk wins and moves onto WM to get his rematch and comeuppance.

** For the record, I was originally gonna say have Cena win the Rumble and fight Rock to get his win back, but after thinking about it, I absolutely DO NOT want that to happen. WWE spent ONE FULL YEAR billing this match "ONCE in a lifetime" -- how do you bill something as once in a lifetime and then deliver the SAME main event 2 years in a row? Then again, this IS WWE we're talking about and Vince McMahon is an old crazy bastard.

World Heavyweight Championship -- Dolph Ziggler (c) vs Daniel Bryan
Sadly, the tag team of Daniel Bryan and Kane isn't going to last forever, and that's probably a good thing. Not that I don't think that they have awesome chemistry and are the best thing about WWE right now (aside from Punk/Heyman...and AJ Lee prancing out in business suits made of short shorts), but with the way creative has blown stuff in the past, I would rather not see Team Hell No (SH**TIEST name btw) overstay their welcome. That said, Dolph guaranteed Sheamus on RAW that he was going to walk out of Hell in a Cell as the World Heavyweight Champion. I say do it. Sheamus' reign has been lackluster, and the dude doesn't work as Ginger Cena who goofs around all the time. More on him later. I say you keep the title on Dolph all the way from HIAC to Wrestlemania (partly because long reigns rule, and partly because the dude deserves it for the amount of crap WWE has put him through), and have a now-face Bryan challenge him. I say give Bryan the win here and continue to let his stock rise. Plus seeing a couple Dolph/Bryan rematches is only good for us. 

Sheamus vs Ryback
I'll admit, even part of me thinks I'm weird for throwing this match on, but it sorta makes sense I guess if a few things happen. They obviously want to build Ryback up to be a big player. Sheamus is the current World Heavyweight Champion. Frankly, I can't stand Sheamus right now. I loved it when he was just a badass "I'm gonna beat your ass because I can and I love to do it" Irishman -- now he's a pale John Cena. Dude goofs around and is never serious about anything and it's annoying. That's one thing I hate about Sheamus and Cena (as characters....in real life they're pretty badass) -- their characters just come off as so fake. I'm sorry, if you lose a match, you should be pissed, not come out all smiles and say "Oh gee golly darnit I'll get 'em next time. No big deal!" If you're put in a match with a 7 foot giant, you should be focused and serious and trying to get inside his head, not sitting there saying he has B.O. and bad breath. Sorry, rant over. Long story short, Sheamus has some main event status cred, they want Ryback to get up there, what perfect way than putting these 2 in a match together. It'd be a pretty good hard-hitting brawl I think (especially with a heel Sheamus), plus you know Vince would be in guerilla position creaming his man-thong over have 2 jacked up beasts in there. Have Sheamus go over, he and Ryback can feud for a couple more months until Ryback finally wins it and goes on to take Bryan for the WHC (where he busts out a heel turn in the process too.)

Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar -- Guest Referee: Triple H
It makes a whole lot of sense if you think about it. Trips has history with Taker over the last 2 Wrestlemanias (especially the whole "End of an Era" deal where he guaranteed he'd end the streak but came up just short), and clearly has history with Lesnar since Brock beat him at Summerslam and rumor has it he may get his win back around Survivor Series (although I hope if they lock horns again, Lesnar wins a second time), so putting these 3 in the ring just seems like a natural fit. Obviously Taker goes over, but you can keep it in question about how HHH will call it. Lesnar/Heyman can say they're at a disadvantage because Lesnar has owned HHH so calling the match one-way toward Taker will be considered his way of getting revenge, but then you can somehow twist it where HHH says that one line that can be taken multiple ways, and Taker can get in his face and accuse him of thinking about screwing Taker so that technically HHH will still be the one that ends the streak (with his count of 3...smell what I'm cookin?)


World Tag Team Championship -- Rhodes Scholars (c) vs Co-Bro vs Rey/Cara vs Kidd/Gabriel
Rule #1: Turn Kidd and Gabriel heel. Rule #2: Give this match a TON of time. Here's the thing, I watched WWE Main Event last night and during the Santino/Ryder (aka Co-Bro as listed here) vs Kidd/Gabriel match, I thought of a few things. First off, Kidd and Gabriel's music sounds like totally heelish music. Secondly, I actually dug Kidd and Gabriel as heels when Kidd was with The Hart Dynasty and Gabriel was with Nexus and The Corre. I just feel like they'd make a much better heel team and feel like they almost work a heelish match. Anyway, I want this match for a few reasons. First off, I'm loving that tag team wrestling is making a comeback. Secondly, you get 8 guys in this match to get a payday. But basically I think pretty much all of these teams have good chemistry (maybe Co-Bro struggles a bit, but it kinda goes with their characters, plus give them more time and they'll click more I'm sure). Another reason, there's rumors that WWE wants to break the Guinness World Record for total amount of masks worn in an arena, and they're thinking about doing that by giving us a Rey/Cara one-on-one match. I'm really not feeling it to be honest (although it probably WOULD be a good match). I think they're doing great as a tag team, and having them become the Tag Team Champions in this match makes sense to me (plus will free up Cody and Sandow to go for singles gold again).

Divas Championship -- Beth Phoenix (c) vs Natalya vs Kharma
I think I'd pretty much mess my pants over this match. I've hated the Divas division for so long because Vince just picks models off the street and thinks they can become female wrestlers with like a month of training. With word that Sara Del Rey is starting to train the Divas, I feel like stuff could get interesting again, which is why I think Beth will either stay with the company for come back after a short hiatus, and also why I think Kharma could re-sign too. I wanted to see Beth/Kharma ever since Kong signed with WWE, I was super pumped to see a Beth/Natalya match until they storyline F'd it in the face, and I just think a 3-way with these girls (insert joke here) would be mindblowing (insert another joke here). Give Kharma the title here and let her open up cans of whoop ass on everyone.


Brodus Clay vs Tensai
Look, before you give me a ton of s**t, with the way this card is working out (Punk/Rock, Bryan/Dolph, Taker/Brock, AKA a ton of super emotionally-invested, insanely well-wrestled/brawled matches...and that's just so far), we're gonna need a break to breathe/urinate. The Divas match is one of those matches, and this match can do the same thing. Except, call me crazy, but when they were schedule for a match against each other last week, I was actually intrigued to see them go at it. I think if you gave them time, we could see a pretty smashmouth match between these guys. Since the match on (I think) RAW was only a couple mins, they could afford to blow their load early and go right to a finishing sequence since Big Show was going to do a run-in. I don't care how much you hate on this match, this is my fantasy booking so I'd throw it on there (and I also don't care who wins really, I just want to see a fully worked, time-given match between these two.)

Kane vs Big Show
This is another one of those matches that's gonna calm the crowd down, more or less because Big Show is slower than a one-legged hobbit going uphill backwards covered in molasses. Kane is obviously more mobile and he's been a lot more motivated since back when he was in the 3-way feud with Punk and Bryan, but with all of the stacked matches this card seems to have (not just big names, but also overall emotionally-invested wrestling), a slower-paced match between these two will be a good way to keep the crowd from being super drained super fast. Plus I think Kane might actually be able to pull Big Show to a decent match if he stays as motivated as he's been the last few months. I say let Kane go over because Big Show really has no reason to be winning anything right now since he's on his way out.
 

United States Championship -- Dean Ambrose (c) vs Antonio Cesaro
Dean Ambrose is awesome from what I've seen of him. So is Cesaro (he's been decent in WWE but he's been incredible in ROH as Claudio...and it looks like WWE is finally letting him start to shine a bit with his style). I feel like these two in a match would be awesome. Right now, Ambrose is on the rise in NXT. I say screw it, bring him up to the main roster a week or two before Mania and put him in a proving ground match with Cesaro or something. Cesaro gets cocky and takes him lightly, Ambrose ends up winning the US Title in his debut match. For people who are AWESOME in the ring, I don't see anything wrong with a quick push right away. Cesaro gets his rematch at Mania, Ambrose retains and Cesaro can get into an upper-card feud to elevate his status on his way to a main eventer. 

Intercontinental Championship -- The Miz (c) vs Wade Barrett
For this to work, I think it makes sense to turn Miz face. What makes more sense in turning him face is that Marine 3 is going to be coming out soon (if it's not out already), plus you have him as a commentator on WWE Main Event and he doesn't really take a face or heel stand (more just analyzes it as a wrestler which is an awesome spin on commentating). Why not turn him full-fledged face...he's been a heel his whole career anyway. Build Barrett up, have him face Miz for the IC title, and win it. They can feud for a couple more PPVs and then move Miz onto an uppercard feud too (hey, maybe even against Cesaro!)

There ya go -- Wrestlemania 29 booked. Thoughts?

The Great Bullying Debate

I hate that I even have to write this post, partly because there's a s**t ton of doucheknuckles in the world, and also because for some stupid reason, there's an actual definition to bullying that makes some really s**tty stuff technically not bullying, which I call BS on. First things first -- this lady is making the news (which is ironic since she reports the news) because of a segment she did on her news show talking about an email she got basically calling her fat/obese and a bad role model, especially for girls. Check out the video below real quick (it's like 4 mins long), then continue reading.

               Crazy stuff, right? So here's the interesting part that inspired this blog post -- I threw this up on my Twitter and also my Facebook for people to check out, and I actually praised this woman. Now obviously the news anchor brought up the topic of bullying and that she could take it because she's an adult and stuff like that doesn't affect her, but a lot of school-aged children would be ripped apart by this and start acting unhealthy. Totally logical and I think a great tie-in considering she twisted this whole BS into a positive message.

Turns out, according to one of my Facebook friends who apparently works in bully awareness, this technically isn't bullying. When I brought up the fact that not all bullying has to be physical, but that there's verbal bullying too, she agreed. Then laid this little tidbit out there -- she said the actual definition of bullying is "repeated, aggressive behavior that is intentional."

 So basically what she's saying is it needs to be a repeated offense for it to be considered bullying? Am I the only one that considers this to be total and utter bulls**t? (And for the record, I'm not talking about what the girl said, I'm talking about the fact that the definition calls for repeated offenses.) Seriously, let's break this down -- now more than ever, people (well, mainly teens and young adults) are committing suicide because they're bullied...whether it's body size, facial features, skin color, sexual preference -- they're killing themselves because their peers are little a**holes and torture and torment them. But what you're saying is if it only happens one time, it's not technically bullying so they can't get help like a bullying victim could?

 What if it only took that one time? What if someone was just having a really crummy day -- family problems at home, feeling down on their luck and just not good about themselves in general -- what if that ONE day, someone just walks up to that person and says, "You know what? If I were as fat and ugly as you, I'd walk around like the miserable waste of space that I am too. You should just go kill yourself and do the world a favor." Now that's only ONE offense, so according to definitions given by people who work in bully awareness, that's not bullying. But what if just the ONE time is enough for someone to be like "F**k this, you're right" and the kid offs him/herself?

 I see posts from people all the time who wanna change the world. People like my buddy Paul Varga (@PVarga on Twitter), who just yesterday interviewed his mother on his radio show because they're both survivors of Domestic Violence. People like my girl Jillian Jensen (@ItsJillJensen on Twitter), who recently just gained some fame for her audition on The X Factor where she made pretty much the entire panel of judges cry because of her bullying story and her NEED to stand up against it. People like me...I wanna do good in this world too.

But how are we supposed to change the world if they people that have seemingly the most power or at least are in a real good position to kick off some change (like Bullying Awareness), handcuff everyone because technically it's not bullying if it's repeated? S**t only needs to happen once for terrible consequences to result, and until people wake the f**k up and realize that fact, nothing will ever change no matter how hard we try.

Why I've grown to hate the Red Sox

Last night while I was hosting trivia and just as the Sox/Yanks game started, I put up a Tweet saying that I hoped the Sox got humbled the old country way. If you're a wrestling geek, you totally understood that reference. If you're not, basically I was saying I hoped the Yanks took a Louisville Slugger and shoved it up the collective backsides of the Sox. Off of that, one of my buddies (who happens to be a Yanks fan) Tweeted back to me that I'm just a fairweather fan.

Couldn't be further from the truth. I'm just a fed up fan...and I'm not talking about the wins/losses either.

You're talking about a dude who may have been a fairweather fan growing up, because my father wasn't into sports and my mother...well, she was kinda busy being my mother AND father at times (that's all you get outta me unless you're dating me -- cute girls feel free to apply), so I wasn't really into sports myself. But between friends, growing up and coming into my own, and everything in between, I started getting into them, and during the 2003 ALDS between the Sox and A's that was a total nailbiter and the 2003 ALCS between the Sox and Yanks (yes, THAT ALCS...Aaron f*****g Boone), I was glued to my couch with friends. In 2004 I'd constantly leave my night class to go into the cafe down the hall to check the score during the ALDS, and during the ALCS (yes, THAT ALCS...Yankees = choke artists)...I didn't even go to class. World Series came, and like Joe Buck said, I, like other Red Sox fans, "longed to hear it...the Red Sox, are World Champions." I lead the parade of people from my suite across campus to the quad to all the drunk girls showing off the celebratory boobies (God damn do I miss college).

Fast forward a few years to 2011 -- I didn't care so much that the Sox lost in the playoff game against the Rays. Stuff happens sometimes, ya know? It's what happened in the offseason that disgusted me. Finger pointing, drama about f*****g chicken and beer in the dugout, douchebag players getting egos bigger than their average or ERA (which were respectively terrible)...and then all the pink hats deciding that #OccupyFenway should actually be something -- and then the biggest pink hat network of them all, NESN, following through with it!

Add in this season's total...I guess bulls**t is the only word for it, and I'm embarrassed that I have about 5 Sox hats hanging up on my hat rack at home. The Sox went from the ultimate underdog team that you loved to cheer for from season to season to a bunch of sellouts that just wanted to cater to the members of the crowd that only go to Fenway because they think it's awesome to sing Sweet Caroline in the Bottom of the 8th. Don't believe me? THEY OPENED A F*****G CONCESSION STAND CALLED "SWEET CAROLINE" IN THE PARK!!!

Who knows though, maybe this was the wake-up call the team needed to get their heads out of their asses and actually give a s**t about the job they're played WAY too much money to do -- play ball. And play ball because they supposedly love the game, not because of their stupid ass paychecks or because the fans think it's awesome when you piss inside the Green Monster in between innings or just booze in the clubhouse because you're not the Starting Pitcher that day. But until I find out if they're gonna stop being the legit pathetic f***tards they've become, I'm all about these guys.

Let's go Cubbies.

Randomness

Since I deprived you of reading this awesomeness from about Friday until this morning, I'm gonna double-dose ya with stuff today. You already saw the One Direction hallabaloo, so now here's a bunch of random stuff I've thought of today so far. (And if you're wondering why you should care, it's because I'm awesome, which is why you're at this blog in the first place, doucheknuckle.)

Thought #1: Know how we all have those people (can't even call them friends) who only hit us up when they want to complain? They think they're fat, they're hitting a plateau losing weight, they want to tell you about how they got screwed over by ANOTHER person they're dating and how they were so in love and now they have nothing and they're doomed to die alone? Yeah, this is a message to all those people -- if we talked to you regularly, we'd care about your life. But since we barely talk, we don't give a rat's ass what sad-panda-face stuff happens to you, so quit coming to us to vent. We couldn't give a f**k less.

Thought #2: I was talkin to my broski on Twitter(who I've never met before, like half of my friends...radio is awesome), @ApexEwok, this morning and he mentioned something I thought was pretty cool -- 31 Horrors in 31 Days. Basically from now til Halloween, watching 1 scary movie a day. I'm up for the challenge...who's with me? Ironically enough, this brings up...

Thought #3: I watched Paranormal Activity 3 today in between my shifts at work. (Sidebar -- who's coming to see PA4 with me when it comes out on Oct 19th?) During the scene where they're filming Katie's birthday, the camera says September 3rd, 1988. Now mind you, Katie is the possessed one who kidnaps baby boys and bends people in half to their death. This brings me to my point -- when do you think my birthday is? Yeah...September 3rd. I demand my nickname become Bonecrusher this instant.

Thought #4: Another one of those ironic thoughts considering I'm essentially about to complain about complainers, but I wouldn't have a Facebook or Twitter if I wasn't in radio. Facebook ruled when it was just for college kids posting about where the party was or giving a heads up of which dude/chick has a new STD...those are heads up I appreciated. I don't give a f**k if your relationship ended, your significant other cheated, your parents are douchebags (seriously, have some respect for your parents teeny boppers...you're really all miserable snotty little pricks), or whatever stupid lame ass drama you post about from your life. I refer you back to Thought #1 -- we all couldn't give a f**k less, so stop being an attention whore.

Thought #5: I love this blog because I really don't hold back any punches, and a lot of times I gotta be all rated-PG and censored because the radio stations I'm affiliated with will probably be pissed off if I tweet too much fire. Some stuff I get away with, others I gotta be smart about. If the most censoring I have to do on here is using a few asteriks, I'm happy. And I actually do appreciate you guys checking it out (even though in 2 of these 5 thoughts I pretty much all said you suck and I don't care if you get hit by busses) -- I also hope you realize that I mean most of what I say (okay, not the getting hit by a bus part...for most of you anyway), I more or less just say this outrageous BS to make you guys laugh and help you pass your boring workdays. So thanks for checking it out, really. And if there's anything in particular you want me to touch on sometime (AKA if you give a f**k about my opinion on something in particular), hit me up on Twitter...  @JaddOnTheRadio.

 Kbye.

Understanding the One Direction epidemic

So last Thursday, one of the stations I work for (Kiss 108 in Boston) gave away a free trip to see One Direction in NYC. Naturally, teeny boppers around the world rejoiced. And blew up the phone lines. And hated us for not playing the 2 songs back to back that you needed to hear for the chance to win right away. And it got me thinking -- why in the bluest of blue hells are people SO obsessed over these guys? And I'm not even talking about just the teeny boppers that follow me on Twitter or anything (@JaddOnTheRadio if you're interested), but even former interns here who are in their 20's.

So driving back from trivia the night that the contest was paid off, I decided to just hop right into it and ask listeners and teeny boppers alike what the big deal was. WHAT makes you crazy over these guys aside from the fact that I think you're bat-s**t crazy to start? And that's mainly the reason I put it out there...I want to understand why instead of just assuming you're psycho. Here's some responses I got:

Alyssa - "its obvious! cute boys with catchy songs! same reason our generation loved Backstreet Boys and NSYNC. and before that, NKOTB! add accents and its even better lol"

Tiffany - "I was an insane *NSYNC fan. I still have my secret box in my closet. And maybe a blanket and pillow on top of my dresser. Boys put their energy into sports and video games, little girls put theirs into the unattainable sexual magnetism."

Then stuff started getting creepy.

Layla - "First of all, I'm like 99% convinced that I'm soulmates with harry or at least we need to be married for a while. Second of all: they're british. Instant amazingness. Third: they have angelic voices. Someone should make a petition to get them to stop singing dumb pop songs."

So obviously when I read that, the whole "They're really just crazy" reasoning was pretty strong in my head. Then Brittany hit me up with this super honest response, and it brought the whole thing together.

"First off, you are actually correct..we are CRAZY. We are in need of mental help. If any psychiatrist found out about this, every single directioner on the face of this earth would be locked up in either prison or a mental institution. The reason we are obsessed is because we're girls..teenage girls..and they have accents..and they sing..and the hair..and the.accents..and their face..and their accents. People can try to be nice & say we aren't crazy, when in reality we are. There is no other word to describe us besides..crazy. We obsess over 5 boys who have absolutely no idea who the hell we are. Doesn't that just scream: CRAZY. MENTAL. CRAZY. MENTAL. We know their blood type. CRAZY. We know where they are every second of every minute of every day. CRAZY. what this all comes down to is: ONCE YOU GO ONE DIRECTION, THERE IS NO GOING BACK. THEY RUIN YOUR LIFE, BUT YOU WILL NEVER STOP LIKING THEM. TAKE IT FROM ME..k, I'm done with my rant. excuse the crazy. i can't help it. im just a teenage girl."

So it makes sense. Take good looking dudes, add in a pinch (and I DO mean just a pinch) of talent, a dash of pop music, a boatload of British accent, and about 10 kegs worth of crazy...and you get a One Direction fan. I'm honestly so glad I understand you and the whole obsession now.

And I'm honestly so scared that you're the future of the world.