Pay attention girls

I'm gonna preface this with the fact that I'm cranky as all f*** -- but aside from that point, this s**t NEEDS to be said. Girls, I'm talking to you and only you. Fellas, if you wanna read this and agree with me, feel free...but if you wanna bail out of this entry, now is the time.

You know what really pisses me the hell off? Whiners and complainers (which I get is ironic since this post is pretty much complaining about complainers, but bare with me you 8-eyed, 7-legged jackasses.) It pisses me off when girls complain and bitch about stuff they shouldn't.

Case in point -- I'm pretty much the equivalent of a slut on social media. I mean, if social media was a street corner...talking like the intersection of Facebook Ln and Twitter Pl, I'd be out there with my boobs hanging out prostituting the night away. I'm active on both sites and on Instagram -- and you know what I see ALL the time? Pretty girls calling themselves ugly. Skinny girls calling themselves fat. And it makes me want to pick up a pet rabbit and dropkick it to Kalamazoo.

You know why you sit there alone on Friday and Saturday nights while all your friends go on dates? Because you hate yourself. You know why that chick you make fun of behind her back for being 200 pounds gets more ass than you do? Because she has confidence. No dude is gonna want you if all you do is sit there taking selfies to post on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram and hashtag it with "#ugly" and talk about how you look like s**t when you really don't. Here's an idea -- if you think you're ugly and look like ass, STOP filling up people's feeds with pictures of yourself and whining about how you look. Because newsflash? We don't give a f**k.

It's exactly the reason I get pissed off whenever anyone goes fishing for compliments (which is what you're doing whether you deny it or not). If someone says they're fat and they're CLEARLY not, I automatically agree with them and say they're a tank and channel their inner bulimia. Obviously I'm not promoting eating disorders, but quick being a jackass. If you're all of 100 pounds soaking wet and saying you're fat, you're a douchebag. Same thing with if you're pretty and say you look ugly. Do you know HOW many times in my life I've complimented someone and had them reply with "Oh please I look like s**t." Yeah a**hole, you're right. You look like total f*****g trash, I just gave you a fake compliment so you don't jump off a bridge later on in the day.

Bottom line? Quit being attention-seeking a**holes. No one likes it and no one wants to listen to it nonstop everyday, ESPECIALLY when you're actually better-looking or skinnier than the person you're bitching to. The world doesn't like emo tools, so cut the s**t.

I'm off my soapbox now, you may proceed with your day. Doucheknuckles.