Heads Up for the Zombie Apocalypse

I'll make this short, sweet, and to the point.

If you're either adopted onto my Zombie Apocalypse team or my team crosses your path, and you're just a f*****g useless waste of life and just completely and utterly stupid and braindead with common sense things, I don't care if you're a zombie or not, I'm f*****g ridding the planet of your pathetic existence.

(Yes, this is sprung off of me knowing completely stupid people who are wasting perfectly good acreage in this world. God must've been stoned to s**t when He made you.) -- Now go ahead and come at me, religious freaks.

#PipeBomb

Senseless things to say

I was just thinking (which is amazing since I'm at the tail end of an 18 1/2 hour shift thanks to that stupid whore Hurricane Sandy), sometimes in life there's stuff you shouldn't say because it's just stupid.

One of those things? "Get some rest."

Oh really? You're granting me the privilege to rest? I can only rest because you told me to get some? No, you know what? Take your f*****g pity rest and shove it up your ass. I think I'll just stay awake for no other reason than make my body flip the f**k out and bash my head against a wall.

Next time someone tells you to get some rest, why don't you just kick them square in the crotch with spiked shoes and tell them to get stitches on their grundle. At least THAT'S a good suggestion.

P.S. If you needed proof that Cranky Jadd is f*****g awesome, here it is. Now go scratch your swamp ass you dirty doucheknuckle.

Celebrity Zombie Apocalypse Squad

This is me exercising my creative juices. Juices -- that word is just SO awkwardly creepy sometimes. That and moist. Moist juices. Ew. Anyway, I digress...

Originally I thought of listing people in general that I'd wanna have on my Zombie Apocalypse team, as in people I know, but then I realized you wouldn't really give a f**k about people that I know that you don't. So I decided to bump it up to celeb status -- what celebrities would I want on my side if the undead were running the world? Let's go.

My buddy Mike (he's on the left). (How is he a celebrity, you ask? You know him as Moose At The Movies on my Saturday Night Mixshow on KISS 95.7 in Hartford). So first off, he's one of my few best friends, and you always need your best friend by your side when the world ends. Secondly, he can shoot. Really well. And lastly, he's in nursing school, so when I inevitably f**k up and shoot myself in the schlong, I'll need someone I know has experience in the medical field AND that I trust to fix me before I'm John Bobbitt Jr. (This just got a little awkwardly homoerotic. I'm gonna move on now.)

Oh, and I'd bring that CM Punk guy too. Mainly since he's the Best In The World and also because he could just punch a zombie's brains right out. Don't believe me? Just fast forward to 39 seconds in.

Jackson Blue. You hear him on KISS 108 every night. And on RadioNOW in Milwaukee. And everyone else across the country with the Party Playhouse. He's also one of my best friends. I figure when you're in a high-tense situation like the end of the world and the undead are trying to eat you, you need someone you can joke around with to escape from real life for a bit. Plus we could just tattoo a running tally into each others' arms of how many zombies we kill just to see who's more badass. AND he's a former MWF World Tag Team Champion, so you know he's tough.

Gina Carano. First off, hi, she's f**king hot. AND she'd be my koolaid in the Zombie Apocalyptic world. In all seriousness, she's a certified badass and highly respected MMA fighter. You also might know her as "Crush" from the newest version of American Gladiators. And have I mentioned she's scolding f**king hot? Plus we'd make adorable kids during the post-Apocalyptic world.

Jason Statham. You know -- the guy from The Transporter movies and The Expendables movies? And Crank? (Seriously, anyone who gets to have sex with Amy Smart in the middle of a crowded street deserves to be on this squad.) Plus the dude is a certifiable badass -- have you SEEN how ripped he is?

Teresa Giudice. HAVE YOU SEEN REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY? I have, and I have no shame in saying it. She's bat s**t crazy, which means she could probably flip a dinner table onto a zombie and decapitate it. Plus, watching her flip out on the last person on this last will make entertainment for days (but probably also draw all the zombies to us since she wouldn't know how to shut the hell up.) But on the plus side? She's Italian and can cook her face off.

Shaobo Qin. You probably have no idea who he is by name (let alone how the hell to say it), but if I tell you he's the little Asian dude from Ocean's Eleven (and Twelve, and Thirteen), then it'll ring a bell. The way I figure, someone who knows some form of Martial Arts would be badass, not to mention we'll need someone small and flexible to get in tight-squeezing places that the rest of us can't get to. Plus, someone who can roll up sushi is super badass.

And finally...

Chris Brown. For no other reason than it'll be awesome to watch zombies feast on his douchebag carcass, and then when he comes back as a zombie, be able to repeatedly beat him about the face with a blunt metal object. (Hey, every group needs a douchebag sacrificial lamb. Don't let the door to Hell hit you in the ass on your way down, d**kbag.)

Should Ryback go over Punk at Hell In A Cell?

It's the question tons of wrestling geeks/fans are asking worldwide -- should WWE pull the trigger on Ryback and have him win the WWE Championship from CM Punk on Sunday, or should the Best In The World hold his title all the way until Royal Rumble?

Since Vince McMahon announced that Ryback was going to be facing Punk instead of Cena (to which the world rejoiced...I'm sorry, I've met Cena a few times in person and as a human being, he's badass...but as a character on TV, he makes me want to have a monster truck challenge with Hulk Hogan than have him throw me off the top of a building after it's over), I've been saying that there's absolutely NO way in hell they should take the title off of Punk.

Until now.

I still want Punk to have a reign that's over a year long, but I've always been a fan of someone holding the title for a long time. It just gives more legitimacy back to the championship first off, and secondly, when someone who's a heel like Punk holds it for that long, you'll be more and more invested to see if and when someone will beat him for it. THAT'S what I dig about Punk and his title reign right now.

But what I dig more? New competition at the top. If you have Punk go over Ryback on Sunday, what does Punk gain from it? He ends the winning streak of someone who hasn't really beat any big names other than The Miz (who is getting the complete s**t end of the stick lately)...whoopdee doo. But if you have Ryback beat Punk, dude is instantly made. He keeps the winning streak intact, he beats the "Best In The World" -- something Cena, Jericho, Ziggler, Big Show, Kane, Daniel Bryan, and TONS others before him haven't been able to do -- AND he wins the biggest prize in the business.

Is Ryback ready? Probably not. Was Sheamus ready? No, but look where he's at now. He grew into his role as champion. Even Punk admitted his first time that he probably wasn't ready, but look what happened to him -- he's the top heel and arguably the best superstar on the roster right now. Why? Because he had a taste of it, got to see what the view was like from the top, and then upped his game so he stayed a main eventer. You can have Ryback do the same exact thing -- get a taste, have him drop the title, and then he SHOULD be more motivated to get back to the top. So here's what I say WWE does:

1) Have Ryback go over Punk at HIAC on Sunday.
2) Have Ryback hold the title until Royal Rumble where he drops it to The Rock.
3) Have Punk win the Royal Rumble -- this gives us our Punk/Rock match that we're all expecting at the Rumble, but gives it on a MUCH bigger stage (where it belongs.)
4) By doing this, you keep Rock/Cena away from each other, considering you billed their match last year as once in a lifetime. (Call me crazy, but a match billed as that should only happen ONCE.)
5) You can move Cena on to face Taker (which is a total money match, because it's believable WWE would have Cena end the streak. Of course, he better not or I'll piss on the doors of Titan Towers.)

Thoughts?

Presidential Debates - Oct 16th

I've always hated politics...they really haven't ever interested me in the least. The only time I actually paid attention was when Monica Lewinsky went balls deep on President Clinton.  (Ya know, side note right now...I always thought Monica was a total slut for doing that, but as an avid fan of doing most things for the story, how badass is it that for the rest of her life, she can answer "What's the craziest thing you've ever done in your life?" with "I gave the Commander-in-Chief of the United States of America...the most powerful man in the country...a blowjob.") But I digress...

I figured I should watch the debates last night to try and understand what's going on with the country I live in. Straight up, I'm not voting this year. Before you get your panties in a bunch about how it's my patriotic duty -- would you rather me vote for one of 2 people I don't care about/want to run this country, vote for someone I don't know about, or not vote at all. What if by total happenstance (Chris Jericho better love me for dropping a Fozzy song title), the election came down to just one vote. MY vote. And I voted for someone just for the sake of voting? Anyway...

Here's what I noticed about the debates last night. People are CRAZY. They're absolutely bat s**t crazy. You can't say ONE thing that's slightly negative to either side without someone completely losing their s**t over your comment. Case in point -- I tweeted about the debates a few times, and one of my tweets was pointing out that I felt like every single time Obama interrupted Romney, the moderator would basically tell Romney to shut up and let Obama speak. But if Romney interrupted, the moderator would tell Romney that it was the President's time to talk. A little one-sided much? Anyway, one person who is a hardcore Obama supporter mentioned that it's okay for him to interrupt Romney whenever he wants because he's the President. Really? REALLY? Mmkay. You're entitled to your opinion -- as stupid as it may be -- but you're entitled to it.

Another time, Obama said something about student loans making everyone go to college possible when it was based off of a question about lack of jobs for graduating seniors. I made the point that anyone could go to college with help from student loans, but it's paying back those loans plus interest once you graduate from school and can't get a steady job that makes things difficult. Just a simple point I noticed -- didn't make me pro-Romney or anti-Obama, it was literally just an observation. BOOM. People hopped on that like it was the last slice of bacon in the world. (Which, by the way, if that ever happens...meaning we run out of bacon...get out of my way because nothing is worse than a pissed off chubby kid with no access to bacon. But again, I digress...)

I suppose it's good that people respond either way, whether their arguments are really valid and well-thought out points, or just ridiculous statements. It means people care enough about the debates and the election to let their opinion be heard. I gotta admit, I caught the last 10 mins of the first presidential debate, and half-ass listened to the VP debates, and more or less made a joke of them. But there were people actually getting into the debates and tweeting legitimate responses to things that were being said. And it wasn't just my parents' generation or my generation, but what was really impressive was the generation under me, made up of mostly teeny boppers who I'd love to just step on because they fill up my twitter feed with "OMGZZZZ JUSTIN BIEBZZZZZZZ" or "OMGZZZ I WANNA LOOZE MY VIRGINITY TO ONE DIRECTIONZZZZ" -- THAT generation was actually watching the debates and weighing in. Impressive. I actually gained a little respect for you rugrats last night.

Then when I woke up and saw that someone tweeted about how they had an orgasm because Niall from 1D said the word "ass" in an interview, it was immediately erased (true story, by the way). But I guess Rome wasn't built in a day.

I'll end with this -- one thing I noticed last night was A LOT of people were getting pissed because they felt like Romney was saying he'd do stuff but not saying how (agreed for the most part) and that Obama was avoiding some of Romney's questions or beating around the bush with questions asked to him from the panel (also agreed for the most part). In their defense, what do you expect them to do? Come out and say stuff that's gonna make them sound bad? Which leads me to an interesting challenge for whoever decides to run in 2016...

Be TOTALLY honest. Completely blunt. Don't dance around answers, don't beat around the bush...if you're going to do something to try and better the country but it's gonna take some sucky stuff like raising taxes or gas prices so you can eliminate some of the national debt, say it. If you're going to do something awesome, obviously say that, but be honest. If someone asks you how you plan on doing something and you think it's going to make you sound bad, so what? Say it anyway. I'd be interested to see if Americans would appreciate someone being honest and forthcoming with all of their info more than someone who beats around bushes just to try and make him/herself sound good.

Then again what the hell do I know? I'm a chubby dude who talks into a fallic-shaped object for a living. Hey look, I just came (no pun intended) full circle...somehow beginning and ending with Monica Lewinsky references. (Insert rimshot here)

Walking Dead Fans -- this one's for you

I meant to post this on Sunday but since I was on air I got a little sidetracked at trying to make myself sound like a million bucks on the radio. But to celebrate the return of The Walking Dead last weekend, here's a word from Carl Grimes.

(I've never been more proud to take a meme before in my life.)

Droppin Knowledge

Haven't tossed up a blog in a bit, so figured I'd drop a little knowledge on you based on what my twitter feed has looked like the last few days.

Ladies - If you constantly tweet about how the dude you're dating sucks and is terrible, and you this happens for every guy you date, not just one in particular (and also to Taylor Swift, who has multiple hit songs based on how guys suck because the girls that are the topic of this paragraph eat it up like OM NOM NOM) -- maybe THEY'RE not the problem.

Fellas - If you constantly tweet about how that girl you just broke up with or got dumped by is either at 1) slut or a 2) psycho (myself included since I feel like I have a laundry list of psycho girls I've either dated or had relationships with, sprinkled in with a few sluts of course too) -- maybe your standards are way, way too low.

That is all. You're welcome.