Celebrity Zombie Apocalypse Squad

This is me exercising my creative juices. Juices -- that word is just SO awkwardly creepy sometimes. That and moist. Moist juices. Ew. Anyway, I digress...

Originally I thought of listing people in general that I'd wanna have on my Zombie Apocalypse team, as in people I know, but then I realized you wouldn't really give a f**k about people that I know that you don't. So I decided to bump it up to celeb status -- what celebrities would I want on my side if the undead were running the world? Let's go.

My buddy Mike (he's on the left). (How is he a celebrity, you ask? You know him as Moose At The Movies on my Saturday Night Mixshow on KISS 95.7 in Hartford). So first off, he's one of my few best friends, and you always need your best friend by your side when the world ends. Secondly, he can shoot. Really well. And lastly, he's in nursing school, so when I inevitably f**k up and shoot myself in the schlong, I'll need someone I know has experience in the medical field AND that I trust to fix me before I'm John Bobbitt Jr. (This just got a little awkwardly homoerotic. I'm gonna move on now.)

Oh, and I'd bring that CM Punk guy too. Mainly since he's the Best In The World and also because he could just punch a zombie's brains right out. Don't believe me? Just fast forward to 39 seconds in.

Jackson Blue. You hear him on KISS 108 every night. And on RadioNOW in Milwaukee. And everyone else across the country with the Party Playhouse. He's also one of my best friends. I figure when you're in a high-tense situation like the end of the world and the undead are trying to eat you, you need someone you can joke around with to escape from real life for a bit. Plus we could just tattoo a running tally into each others' arms of how many zombies we kill just to see who's more badass. AND he's a former MWF World Tag Team Champion, so you know he's tough.

Gina Carano. First off, hi, she's f**king hot. AND she'd be my koolaid in the Zombie Apocalyptic world. In all seriousness, she's a certified badass and highly respected MMA fighter. You also might know her as "Crush" from the newest version of American Gladiators. And have I mentioned she's scolding f**king hot? Plus we'd make adorable kids during the post-Apocalyptic world.

Jason Statham. You know -- the guy from The Transporter movies and The Expendables movies? And Crank? (Seriously, anyone who gets to have sex with Amy Smart in the middle of a crowded street deserves to be on this squad.) Plus the dude is a certifiable badass -- have you SEEN how ripped he is?

Teresa Giudice. HAVE YOU SEEN REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY? I have, and I have no shame in saying it. She's bat s**t crazy, which means she could probably flip a dinner table onto a zombie and decapitate it. Plus, watching her flip out on the last person on this last will make entertainment for days (but probably also draw all the zombies to us since she wouldn't know how to shut the hell up.) But on the plus side? She's Italian and can cook her face off.

Shaobo Qin. You probably have no idea who he is by name (let alone how the hell to say it), but if I tell you he's the little Asian dude from Ocean's Eleven (and Twelve, and Thirteen), then it'll ring a bell. The way I figure, someone who knows some form of Martial Arts would be badass, not to mention we'll need someone small and flexible to get in tight-squeezing places that the rest of us can't get to. Plus, someone who can roll up sushi is super badass.

And finally...

Chris Brown. For no other reason than it'll be awesome to watch zombies feast on his douchebag carcass, and then when he comes back as a zombie, be able to repeatedly beat him about the face with a blunt metal object. (Hey, every group needs a douchebag sacrificial lamb. Don't let the door to Hell hit you in the ass on your way down, d**kbag.)

CM Punk incident at RAW

So last night during the end of RAW, CM Punk was shown in the crowd being addressed by Vince McMahon. While that was going on, stuff ended up getting a little physical. Check the video then come back for commentary (sorry, the dude who posted it disabled embedding...asshat, I'm trying to get you hits.)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAniQ0L2S3U&feature=share&list=UUybO8GgOUYwcQvf0f8GtD7AU

So you might've noticed what I did -- Punk actually hit the wrong guy. The person that kept shoving him was some disrespectful little teenage prick. Granted, when Punk first got up there and was swatting peoples' hands away and doing the normal bad guy routine, he gave a little shove to the kid. But the kid gave him a shove back, and Punk did nothing. But the kid kept going and going and at some point I think Punk wasn't sure where it was coming from, and he finally hit his limit and took it out on the dude who (I think accidentally) bumped his head. It was just the final straw.

Here's the thing -- fans need to learn that this s**t is a show. It's entertainment. Yeah, Punk is a bad guy IN CHARACTER...so he's gonna get in your face. He's gonna swat your hands away. He's gonna talk smack. That's his CHARACTER, not Punk the man. I've met the dude and he's a chill, laid-back guy, not the kind that would go into a crowd and start beating the s**t out of people because he can. But picture being in his shoes -- you're in the crowd just doing your job, and you're getting pushed and poked from every which way, and after staying calm for a good 30 seconds (which doesn't sound like a long time, but YOU get pushed and poked and hit for 30 seconds and see how pissed off you get), he finally got pushed (literally) too far.

People are gonna call him out on that he should've been professional or bla bla bla -- I'm sorry, if you're at an NBA game and Kevin Garnett is sitting on the bench in front of you and you keep shoving him and hitting the back of his head, what do you expect him to do? Sit there and go, "I'm a professional, it's okay for fans to treat me like s**t." No, he'd lay your ass out the same way Punk laid that guy out.

Sure, it was the wrong guy, but at the end of the day, let's be real...if you're putting on sunglasses indoors at 11pm at night (which is what it looked like that dude was doing when he bumped Punk's head), you probably deserved to get punched in the face anyway. Doucheknuckle.