Haven't tossed up a blog in a bit, so figured I'd drop a little knowledge on you based on what my twitter feed has looked like the last few days.
Ladies - If you constantly tweet about how the dude you're dating sucks and is terrible, and you this happens for every guy you date, not just one in particular (and also to Taylor Swift, who has multiple hit songs based on how guys suck because the girls that are the topic of this paragraph eat it up like OM NOM NOM) -- maybe THEY'RE not the problem.
Fellas - If you constantly tweet about how that girl you just broke up with or got dumped by is either at 1) slut or a 2) psycho (myself included since I feel like I have a laundry list of psycho girls I've either dated or had relationships with, sprinkled in with a few sluts of course too) -- maybe your standards are way, way too low.
That is all. You're welcome.
Showing posts with label girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girls. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Flirting or Friendly?
I feel the need to start out this post by pointing out the fact that I'm a dude. And because I'm a dude, like every other person who belongs to the male race, there's 2 things you need to know about me/us: 1) We were given 2 heads with only enough blood to flow to one at a time (and let's be real, 9 times out of 10 it's the one below the equator), 2) We're dumb in the fact that we don't understand hidden meanings...we're BEYOND stupid to that stuff.
That said, ladies -- do you realize how difficult it is for a dude to tell the difference between whether you're flirting with us or whether you're just being friendly to us? Well, I shouldn't say "us" -- I can't speak for every guy because there's plenty of douches out there that think their s**t don't stink who assume anytime a girl says hi to them, she wants the D. But for dudes who aren't gonna end up divorced at least twice by the time they're 40, it's a really tough thing to figure out. Case in point:
I host trivia on Monday and Wednesday nights. Well, my Wednesday night place closed for a bit, reopened a month ago under a new owner, and he brought on a couple new people to the staff, including this total KNOCKOUT of a bartender. I'll call her Paige (pretty much because that's her real name and I couldn't careless if she ever reads this). Normally she bails before the end of trivia so we never really get a chance to talk, but for whatever reason last night she hung around and had a couple beers and was there after I packed up. I was walking behind the bar talking to some of the staff at the end of the night, and we ended up bumping into each other and just shooting the s**t and joking around. I was obviously being kinda flirty, partly because that's just my personality, but also because she's REALLY pretty.
So bla bla bla, a friend was getting up to leave so I wanted to go say bye, I come back and Paige was somewhere else doing her thing...no big deal. Randomly one of my frequent returner teams every week leaned over to me and said they thought she was into me. Now I take stuff like that with a grain of salt, more or less because I don't wanna come across as a total self-absorbed douche like the guys I talked about 2 paragraphs up. But obviously I paid attention..and Paige actually walked back to me and we kept talking. And talking. And I was putting in time. And I was holding my own (look, I'm not trying to sound emo by saying OMGZ SHEZ OUTTA MY LEAGUEZ, but girl is a knockout. And not that I think I'm ugly, but I'm a pretty average-looking chubby dude. And before you even try and start pouring compliments onto me saying not to be so hard on myself, I'm not. I'm just a realist, and I'm cool with it.)
So she asks me why I never stick around for a drink after. So naturally in my head I'm trying to figure out if that's an invitation to start staying late to have drinks with her and spend some time. So we're talking, and 10 minutes into the convo, just out of habit of the convo (I think I asked her why she was staying late since I never see her staying after to have drinks either), she drops the bomb that she was just waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up. (Naturally, the wiseass I am, respond with "Well now I definitely have no reason to stay after for some drinks." I was proud..she laughed.)
So ladies, I'm throwing this over to you. HOW are we, as guys -- dumb, clueless guys -- supposed to get when you're flirting with us and when you're just being friendly. Better yet, how are we supposed to realize the difference between you being flirty with us but have a boyfriend, and when you're being flirty with us because you're actually interested in us and want to see what happens? Ready...GO!
That said, ladies -- do you realize how difficult it is for a dude to tell the difference between whether you're flirting with us or whether you're just being friendly to us? Well, I shouldn't say "us" -- I can't speak for every guy because there's plenty of douches out there that think their s**t don't stink who assume anytime a girl says hi to them, she wants the D. But for dudes who aren't gonna end up divorced at least twice by the time they're 40, it's a really tough thing to figure out. Case in point:
I host trivia on Monday and Wednesday nights. Well, my Wednesday night place closed for a bit, reopened a month ago under a new owner, and he brought on a couple new people to the staff, including this total KNOCKOUT of a bartender. I'll call her Paige (pretty much because that's her real name and I couldn't careless if she ever reads this). Normally she bails before the end of trivia so we never really get a chance to talk, but for whatever reason last night she hung around and had a couple beers and was there after I packed up. I was walking behind the bar talking to some of the staff at the end of the night, and we ended up bumping into each other and just shooting the s**t and joking around. I was obviously being kinda flirty, partly because that's just my personality, but also because she's REALLY pretty.
So bla bla bla, a friend was getting up to leave so I wanted to go say bye, I come back and Paige was somewhere else doing her thing...no big deal. Randomly one of my frequent returner teams every week leaned over to me and said they thought she was into me. Now I take stuff like that with a grain of salt, more or less because I don't wanna come across as a total self-absorbed douche like the guys I talked about 2 paragraphs up. But obviously I paid attention..and Paige actually walked back to me and we kept talking. And talking. And I was putting in time. And I was holding my own (look, I'm not trying to sound emo by saying OMGZ SHEZ OUTTA MY LEAGUEZ, but girl is a knockout. And not that I think I'm ugly, but I'm a pretty average-looking chubby dude. And before you even try and start pouring compliments onto me saying not to be so hard on myself, I'm not. I'm just a realist, and I'm cool with it.)
So she asks me why I never stick around for a drink after. So naturally in my head I'm trying to figure out if that's an invitation to start staying late to have drinks with her and spend some time. So we're talking, and 10 minutes into the convo, just out of habit of the convo (I think I asked her why she was staying late since I never see her staying after to have drinks either), she drops the bomb that she was just waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up. (Naturally, the wiseass I am, respond with "Well now I definitely have no reason to stay after for some drinks." I was proud..she laughed.)
So ladies, I'm throwing this over to you. HOW are we, as guys -- dumb, clueless guys -- supposed to get when you're flirting with us and when you're just being friendly. Better yet, how are we supposed to realize the difference between you being flirty with us but have a boyfriend, and when you're being flirty with us because you're actually interested in us and want to see what happens? Ready...GO!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Pay attention girls
I'm gonna preface this with the fact that I'm cranky as all f*** -- but aside from that point, this s**t NEEDS to be said. Girls, I'm talking to you and only you. Fellas, if you wanna read this and agree with me, feel free...but if you wanna bail out of this entry, now is the time.
You know what really pisses me the hell off? Whiners and complainers (which I get is ironic since this post is pretty much complaining about complainers, but bare with me you 8-eyed, 7-legged jackasses.) It pisses me off when girls complain and bitch about stuff they shouldn't.
Case in point -- I'm pretty much the equivalent of a slut on social media. I mean, if social media was a street corner...talking like the intersection of Facebook Ln and Twitter Pl, I'd be out there with my boobs hanging out prostituting the night away. I'm active on both sites and on Instagram -- and you know what I see ALL the time? Pretty girls calling themselves ugly. Skinny girls calling themselves fat. And it makes me want to pick up a pet rabbit and dropkick it to Kalamazoo.
You know why you sit there alone on Friday and Saturday nights while all your friends go on dates? Because you hate yourself. You know why that chick you make fun of behind her back for being 200 pounds gets more ass than you do? Because she has confidence. No dude is gonna want you if all you do is sit there taking selfies to post on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram and hashtag it with "#ugly" and talk about how you look like s**t when you really don't. Here's an idea -- if you think you're ugly and look like ass, STOP filling up people's feeds with pictures of yourself and whining about how you look. Because newsflash? We don't give a f**k.
It's exactly the reason I get pissed off whenever anyone goes fishing for compliments (which is what you're doing whether you deny it or not). If someone says they're fat and they're CLEARLY not, I automatically agree with them and say they're a tank and channel their inner bulimia. Obviously I'm not promoting eating disorders, but quick being a jackass. If you're all of 100 pounds soaking wet and saying you're fat, you're a douchebag. Same thing with if you're pretty and say you look ugly. Do you know HOW many times in my life I've complimented someone and had them reply with "Oh please I look like s**t." Yeah a**hole, you're right. You look like total f*****g trash, I just gave you a fake compliment so you don't jump off a bridge later on in the day.
Bottom line? Quit being attention-seeking a**holes. No one likes it and no one wants to listen to it nonstop everyday, ESPECIALLY when you're actually better-looking or skinnier than the person you're bitching to. The world doesn't like emo tools, so cut the s**t.
I'm off my soapbox now, you may proceed with your day. Doucheknuckles.
You know what really pisses me the hell off? Whiners and complainers (which I get is ironic since this post is pretty much complaining about complainers, but bare with me you 8-eyed, 7-legged jackasses.) It pisses me off when girls complain and bitch about stuff they shouldn't.
Case in point -- I'm pretty much the equivalent of a slut on social media. I mean, if social media was a street corner...talking like the intersection of Facebook Ln and Twitter Pl, I'd be out there with my boobs hanging out prostituting the night away. I'm active on both sites and on Instagram -- and you know what I see ALL the time? Pretty girls calling themselves ugly. Skinny girls calling themselves fat. And it makes me want to pick up a pet rabbit and dropkick it to Kalamazoo.
You know why you sit there alone on Friday and Saturday nights while all your friends go on dates? Because you hate yourself. You know why that chick you make fun of behind her back for being 200 pounds gets more ass than you do? Because she has confidence. No dude is gonna want you if all you do is sit there taking selfies to post on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram and hashtag it with "#ugly" and talk about how you look like s**t when you really don't. Here's an idea -- if you think you're ugly and look like ass, STOP filling up people's feeds with pictures of yourself and whining about how you look. Because newsflash? We don't give a f**k.
It's exactly the reason I get pissed off whenever anyone goes fishing for compliments (which is what you're doing whether you deny it or not). If someone says they're fat and they're CLEARLY not, I automatically agree with them and say they're a tank and channel their inner bulimia. Obviously I'm not promoting eating disorders, but quick being a jackass. If you're all of 100 pounds soaking wet and saying you're fat, you're a douchebag. Same thing with if you're pretty and say you look ugly. Do you know HOW many times in my life I've complimented someone and had them reply with "Oh please I look like s**t." Yeah a**hole, you're right. You look like total f*****g trash, I just gave you a fake compliment so you don't jump off a bridge later on in the day.
Bottom line? Quit being attention-seeking a**holes. No one likes it and no one wants to listen to it nonstop everyday, ESPECIALLY when you're actually better-looking or skinnier than the person you're bitching to. The world doesn't like emo tools, so cut the s**t.
I'm off my soapbox now, you may proceed with your day. Doucheknuckles.
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